i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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