After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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