this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
