DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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