If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
