im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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