If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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