gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Randomize
