last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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