i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
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