It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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