It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
