i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
