Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
