What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
