yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
