Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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