So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Randomize