I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
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