Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
