if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
