Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
