I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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