so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
