my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize