if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
