yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
