How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize