I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
