he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize