Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
