Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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