he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
