Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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