I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
