ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize