U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
