I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
