you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
