I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
