you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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