Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Randomize
