I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
