So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I queefed so loud it echoed.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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