I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
