im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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