by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
