She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
This is classic penis vs brain.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
