Your tits are I can't wait for
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
