How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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