im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
