if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
