I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
he quoted the bible to break up with me
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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