When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Randomize
