please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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