it's too hot outside to masturbate.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
