i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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