I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
