I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
