I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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