I think i peed on brittanys purse
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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