First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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