I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
