She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
