Those balls look pretty dangerous.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
