Define "chronic" masturbator.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
