dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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