At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
