You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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