Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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