i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
