I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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