Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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