the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
