Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
