please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
