you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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