WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
