If i come over, it means nothing
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
