Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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