Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
