Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
