i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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