I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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