we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize