OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
