dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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