She's JV to your varsity
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
My hand turned me down
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
