Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
