booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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