is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
