Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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