but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
