I just made out with a guy for $7.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
