A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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