I'm going to jail i love you
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
