my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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