Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
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