i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
