I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
