my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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