I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize