12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
