Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
