And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
