You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize