I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
